I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
