i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
