I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Ketchup is God's man juice
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
