I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
