She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
