tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
