so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
