yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
