we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
