it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
