I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
