I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
