I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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