the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
