so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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