***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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