I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
A+ Viking dick
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
