i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
