I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
