mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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