What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i think my tv is drunk
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
