I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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