Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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