I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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