so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
