Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How's work?
Spinning.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
