wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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