she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
