Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
