but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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