they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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