Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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