I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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