Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
