So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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