You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
