I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
