margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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