Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
