So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
