someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
