I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
