If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
