Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
