Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
