Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
