remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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