I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
