Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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