To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
