just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
