eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
