So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
