I think I won the penis lottery.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
