Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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