just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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