i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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