At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
