Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
